Every time I talk to my married friends they always want to hear about my dating life. I understand that now that they are committed to one person, they think that hearing about my dating excitement (or dating woes) makes me a little more interesting and makes their life a little less boring.
Now there have been moments where I have enjoyed listening to a good story, and have imagined myself in the story itself. But my friends seem to crave hearing my dating stories on a regular basis. Not that I can’t tell a good story, and not that I don’t have interesting dates but I don’t know if they really want to hear about them because they are bored or if they are just interested in who I’m dating because they are my friends. Whichever it may be, I feel like I’m always the one sharing and they aren’t.
Maybe married life doesn’t have as many interesting stories as single life but I feel like my married friends don’t share as much with me as they did before they were married. I understand that in respecting a marriage certain things should remain sacred and confidential so I don’t expect my friends to divulge the same kind of information they did before marriage. And as flattering as it is to have someone live vicarously through me, I hate feeling like I am entertaining my friends. After all they have no more interesting stories to tell but I still do.
It’s a bad feeling to talk about relationships with a friend and they don’t share with you. I could stop sharing but then I wouldn’t have any friends left! I just wish they would open up to me like they expect, and even anticipate, me to do with them.
So to my dear married friends, please stop living through me because I am certainly not living through you!
LOL…. well vent on Ms. Chocolate! I feel everything you are feeling… see… I was once in your shoes -not too long ago. But now, I am on the other side of the fence. I’m married now but with the experience I have, I can speak on both sides. Let’s call this LESSON 101. Married women will never tell the ends and outs about their marriage to a single woman, unless she’s boasting and bragging… and know this that person is not a real friend. Let me reiterated this again… NOT ONE WOMAN WHO IS MARRIED WILL TELL ANOTHER WOMAN WHO IS SINGLE ABOUT WHAT GOES ON BEHIND THEIR CLOSED DOORS. Have you ever listened to the blues songs? The blues tell it all. When I was single, hanging out with my “married” friends, they would always want to know who I’m dating or what I am doing at the time. You seem, a married woman is inferior of a single woman. Now this is not an attack on you… this is an attack on all women who are single! You will have to pardon their behavior because this is a reaction these women can’t control. It is so natural for them, they don’t realize it. But back to the inferior part. Just imagine if a married woman told you all of her secrets, her honeymoon escapades with her husband, wouldn’t you be envious? [YES]. What if they told you how good he was in bed or how he wined and dined her the night before or how big his “member” was, wouldn’t you be curious? {I would}. A married woman is scared to open up to you [a single woman] because of fear. They’d think you would be so curious; you would want to be in their shoes with their man. [I'm singing the blues, honey] Yes, this may sound childish, immature and impractical but it’s true. They know that you are gunning for a husband and if you were privy to their relationship, they’d think you woud take him, its as simple as that. You see, they think you can afford to divulge the goodies about who is your flavor of the month! Your life is fancy and free! You have no consequence or vows to break. You’re single, honey. You get that? You’re free to do whoever you please… [WOW] I can speak on this all day long] Have you heard of the song, “The Clean Up Woman”? I hate to say it but that is you… but in a married woman eyes only. My friends used to treat me this same way. Your friends envy you. But they will never tell you this. So don’t be mad, don’t be venting! Be proud because you are da shytt!!! LOL !! I know, take it from an “old skool”. You are in the best position on the playing field and these so called friends are scared. Not of you but of losing their relationships to you. So they’ll keep their mouths shut but will dig all into your life. As you get older, you will see, there is a fine line between the word ‘friend’ and ‘the other woman’. When you do get married and find the right one, you will have a whole new set of friends. The ones you have now will be weeded out. Mark my word. Speak on Ms. Chocolate
Wow, thanks for such a well-put response!! I remember the last time I was in a relationship & got comfortable after we had been together for a while (which ended in August), and I relished hearing from my friends that were still dating. I felt like my “story-telling” days were just about over and was excited to hear about their dates. I have a friend who used to tell me all about her boyfriend while they were dating (including the size of his “member”) but when they officially became a couple she told me that she wasn’t going to tell me anything else. My response to her was, “But you already told me everything about him!” So I get it, but I still don’t like the way things are with my married friends. I just don’t think these types of conversations should be one-sided. Otherwise, I won’t tell any of my business to my married friends anymore until I become one of them.
What else can i do?
Are you asking me or is that a rhetorical question? LOL… because if you’re asking me “what else”, I would tell you to turn the tables. When she ask “how is Tommy?” You say, “He’s fine, How is [her man]?” Then if she asks something like, “has he been working?” Say, “Girl yes, has Leroy been bringing home the bacon …so you can fry it?” OR if she says, “girl, how have you been handling all of them baby-mamas.” [Hopefully you don't come across losers like that] I’ve just been watching too much MAURY! LOL. You say, “we don’t talk much about it but do you think Leroy can give me some advice on how to act like a lady but think like a man?” Do you see what I’m getting at…she will soon back off or redirect her questions elsewhere. Learn to be “nice-nasty”… I learned that from an old boss. No attitudes are necessary. Don’t change who you are… if you feel comfortable in telling how a wonderful night went, then do so… but don’t make yourself unhappy by limiting conversations with your girlfriends, just be discrete about it…. tell them only what you want them to know, don’t tell EVERYTHING!
No, not a rhetorical question. I’m just wondering what I should do. I have no problem with not sharing my business anymore. But I’ll feel like I’m starting to lost friends as everyone gets married….
I guess single friends just have to share with single friends & married friends have to share with married friends. *sigh*
Yes, I think you are right! it’s sad to say but you’d think segregation was dead…but just like hidden racism, it still exist. Don’t be so sad Ms, Chocolate, you have a lot to learn, a lot to live for and look forward to. I will always say this, “don’t put your trust in ‘man’; put your trust in GOD and you won’t need anybody else.” Friends and family are good to have, but I’ve come to realize disappointment lurkes between both. So don’t fret about it. My advice for you is to refocus and redirect your faith. Once you do that, you will look back on this day and smile instead of sighing. [you remind me alot of my daughter, she's 21. you and her have very similar characteristics] She’s learning too…
Thank you!