The Wedding Day Is Her Day, So Is The Proposal His Day?

Everyone knows that the wedding day was designed for the woman. The groom doesn’t get much of the spotlight on that day since all he has to do is just show up & say “I Do.” The woman usually plans everything right down to the very last detail, and has every right to bask in her day.

The engagement is a time for both the future bride & groom to enjoy their last few months of “freedom” and prepare for their big day (which again, is really HER day). I think the engagement period is where the rubber meets the road – you get to see how each person really deals with finances, stress, and even meddling family members.

But the proposal is another story. That day is 100% on the groom-to-be. The proposal is such a big day, but do men really understand how huge it is? Well if not, let me break it down for you:

• You should definitely get parental blessings first –  It is so important to start your engagement off on the right foot. Receiving the O.K. from your future in-laws is the best way to do that. You need to make sure that her immediate family is on one accord before you walk down the aisle. Out of respect you should seek the parent’s blessings (because you would want your daughter’s future fiancé to do it too) – particularly from her father – it’s just the manly thing to do. Most daughters hold their father in high esteem so don’t skip this step.
• Check your timing – Men this is a big deal, believe it or not. You see, most women have an ideal time of year of when they want to get married. Some of us may want a winter wedding, but if you don’t propose until October, that will just push back the wedding to the following year since we certainly can’t plan a wedding on 1-2 months’ notice. What if I wanted a nice summer backyard wedding, but you don’t propose until April? Again, this doesn’t give me enough time to plan so the wedding won’t be until the following summer. I can do away with my dream summer wedding, but why should I? This is something that should come up in conversation while we’re dating. Please propose during the right time of year so that I have enough time to plan the wedding that I’ve always dreamt of.
• Pick out the right ring – This goes without saying. Every woman wants to LOVE her engagement ring. So if you don‘t know what kind of ring she wants, ask her friends. Find out before you invest in something so significant so she doesn’t end up disappointed. One other thing, don’t get a ring that looks good to you right now. Remember, this ring has to last for decades to come so it’s usually best to go with something either very unique, or very classic. Either way, it should be something special to her.
• Private vs. Public – Some women want all their friends & family to witness their engagement, whereas some prefer it to be a more private moment. Take me for example: I am an outgoing person & love to be around people (for the most part) but whenever my significant other proposes to me I prefer it to be just the 2 of us in an intimate setting. However, based on my personality one might not have guessed that. Don’t make assumptions based on her personality; it’s important to know which type of proposal your woman prefers.
• Make it a repeatable story – Men, make the proposal a story to remember! I am under the impression sometimes that men forget we women have to tell our proposal story over & over & over. All of our girlfriends, family members and even some wedding vendors are going to ask how we got engaged. This is a story that could even be told to our future children & grandchildren. We want a good story to tell these people so please make the proposal either very exciting or very romantic! Be creative! Plus, it just makes you look bad if the proposal isn’t memorable.

So, good luck men! Our wedding day depends on you getting the proposal right!!

{Please click on this photo & see the best engagement ever recorded!   I still weep every time I see this video}

Do Men Sign Prenups? Rich Woman, Poor Man – What Happens When The Woman Has All The Money?

It seems like almost every celebrity couple signs prenuptial agreements before getting married. But those are usually situations where the bulk of the money is coming from the man or both parties have individual wealth (think Michael Douglas & Catherine Zeta Jones or Sarah Jessica Parker & Matthew Broderick). But I wonder what happens when the woman is the breadwinner in the relationship. Does she make the man sign a prenup before marrying him?

I started to think about all of the female celebrities that have married “regular” men (or have gotten close to marriage). Here’s the list of some of the couples that came to mind and their net worth, according to www.celebritynetworth.com:

• Michelle Obama & President Barack Obama – As a VP of Community Affairs, Mrs. Obama was pulling in close to $300,000 / The then-Senator about $160,000 per year

• Teresa Heinz & John Kerry – Our Secretary of State only makes about $187K, and he’s married to an heiress of Heinz ketchup thought to be worth close to 1 billion dollars

• Oprah Winfrey & Stedman Graham – Okay, Oprah makes like a gazillion dollars a year

• Reality TV star Bethenny Frankel & Jason Hoppy – Last year Bethenny made 8 figures; I’m guessing Jason made about 6

• Jennifer Lopez & Mark Anthony – Jlo is worth about $250 million, whereas her soon to be ex-husband is “only” worth about $40 million (largely due in part to being married to her)

• Songstress Mariah Carey & Nick Cannon – Mariah’s net worth over $500 million, compared to a “paltry” $15 million for Nick

 

Surely, some men are willing to sign a prenup to be with the woman they love. They recognize that bringing less money into the marriage doesn’t make them any less of a man, and that money isn’t everything. But don’t men hold all the cards? For example, on the television show Real Housewives of Atlanta, Grammy award winning singer/songwriter Kandi Burruss has stated repeatedly that she believes in prenups. However, this was before she got engaged. Now if Kandi’s fiancé (Todd) doesn’t want to sign a prenup, then she may lose him altogether. There are plenty of women who would love to be with Todd and wouldn’t make him sign a prenup (grant it, most of these women aren’t millionaires but still, you get my point).

So if you are a rich woman, do you take the risk of losing a good man by making him sign a prenuptial agreement just so you can save some money? Or, do you follow your heart and marry the man of your dreams knowing that having money can’t replace a having a husband?

Does The Size Of The Ring Really Matter?

A while back, a friend of mine told me about how one of his recently married friends had an issue with his bride over the ring he bought her. After saving his hard earned money he was very proud to propose with what he thought was the perfect engagement ring.  His girlfriend said yes, and then they got married. Shortly after returning from the honeymoon, his wife traded her wedding ring in for a larger ring without telling her new husband. A little while later, her husband noticed that she wasn’t wearing the ring that he had bought for her. When he asked her about the original ring she admitted to trading it in & upgrading with her own money.  Needless to say, the husband was quite upset about this. How dare his wife go behind his back and purchase an entirely new ring! He felt betrayed and inadequate since his hard-earned purchase was replaced behind his back. The wife tried to defend her actions by saying the reason she didn’t tell him was because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. By using her own money to increase the size of the diamond she was able to leave him out of the transaction & keep both of them happy.

So was she wrong to place so much emphasis on her engagement ring? Or was she justified because she wanted to keep the peace in her new marriage by not involving her husband in replacing her ring? I know that the ring is just a “symbol” and the focus should be on the marriage, not on the ring. But don’t we have a right to be in love with that “symbol”? As long as she wasn’t cashing in her 401K or selling a kidney to get a larger ring, I don’t see the harm.  Sure, her husband’s ego may have been bruised a little bit, but the important thing is that she didn’t complain about her ring or rub it in his face that she had it replaced. I think that if a person has to wear something every day for the rest of their life, then they are entitled to be happy with it.

I mean, really why shouldn’t a woman be happy with her wedding ring?

Should I Respect An Engagement?: The Heart Wants What The Heart Wants

I have a serious crush on somebody who doesn’t know I exist. Although he’s not engaged, I think he is dating someone that he may be seriously interested in. If that relationship leads to an  engagement, I wonder if I’d have the guts to intervene & let him know how much I like him. I mean, after all, it isn’t over until the wedding, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t encourage women to break up relationships to satisfy their own selfish desires but I do believe that if you have an earnest interest in a man and honestly believes that there is a substantial reason for a relationship with him to prosper, then I think that you should go for it! I mean, you never know what can happen, especially if that turns out to be the right person for you (and for him!).

I wonder how many women have the guts to stand up to a man in a committed relationship that they don’t think is frutiful. Why am I so afraid to go beyond traditional boundaries to fight for a man that I know (or at least think) would have a better shot with me?  Again, I’m not saying anyone should break up a happy home. Once a man is married he’s definitely out of bounds & off limits, but until then I think if a woman has a real chance with a man she should at least put her feelings out there. I fantasize about running into my secret crush & the things I would say to him. Even though he may or may not have a girlfriend, I believe that I should step up should the opportunity presents itself.

After all, wouldn’t you want someone to intervene in your relationship if it was in your best interest?

Longterm Engagement Can Lead to Longterm Problems

So with the TV series of “Marrying the Game” ending, I started thinking about long-term engagements and I wondered why people stay engaged for long periods of time. No one should rush to propose but once you’re engaged, why lag?

The average engagement period in this country is between 1-1 1/2 years. What in the world takes so long to tie the knot? Sure, your dream wedding venue might be booked, you need to save money or other things come up but really – a year and a half engagement? It seems to me that the longer you take to plan the wedding, the more expensive it becomes. I know from personal experience the more time you give me to plan an event, the more things I’ll find to spend money on. Anyone who is engaged for longer than a year must not want to get married. If you are spending more time fussing over having the perfect venue or the cost of the wedding, than you are focusing on the wrong things.

But getting back to my point…on the television show “Marrying the Game”, the couple Tiffney and Jayceon were engaged to be married after dating on & off for 8 years. On the show, there were some issues that Tiffney felt needed to be addressed before walking down the aisle but at the end of the series the future of their relationship was unclear. It’s one thing to date for years & years on end but after breaking off an engagement there is no point in maintaining that relationship even with the purpose of “working on things”. Why call off an engagement unless you’re ready to call off the relationship?  Even if you think that your situation will change with time, people don’t change.

I think that long term engagements are ridiculous: Are you really hoping that your relationship will improve because you’ve changed the date of your wedding?